The Soi Cat Cafe

cat with monks

Due to some rather interesting recent events, I have decided to stay in Thailand and not go back to the USA for the next, oh I don’t know, four to eight years give or take an impeachment. In order to earn money, I decided to look into opening a cat cafe. Although there are cat cafes all over Bangkok, there are none in my area. In addition, my neighborhood is full of unemployed soi cats so I set about recruiting and interviewing the best cats to work as baristas.

To my dismay, I found that almost all the cats are quite lazy, sleeping away most of the day. In order to be productive employees, they’d need to drink much of the coffee they were serving just to stay awake. That would put a dent in the profits.

lazy cat

This cat fell asleep in the middle of his evening jog!

lazy cat

This cat fell asleep on the job at the bookshop!

Bangkok cat cafe

This motorcycle taxi driver fell asleep waiting for a fare.

I also found that many of the cats had bad attitudes and others had serious catnip addictions.

Bangkok cat

This cat had no customer service skills.

catnip Bangkok

Dude. Am I high or is the elephant talking to me?

Some of the cats flopped over and demanded tummy rubs during the interview!

Bangkok cat

Mr. Snuggles I’ll scratch your ears *after* the interview!

Many of the cats are monks and don’t need money or jobs.

cat with monks

This cat was seeking purrvana. Get it? Purrvana!

catnip alms

Collecting alms in the morning.

I also found that the cats were easily distracted in interviews and not a single cat had opposable thumbs.

Bangkok cat

“I worked for 2 years as the general manager of Kit-Tea and we increased our profits by twenty…BIRD!…”

I’ve never been to a cat cafe so I’m not sure where they get barista cats but I can tell you that none in my neighborhood are qualified.

In the end, I decided against the cat cafe for now. Does anyone have any money making suggestions or should I seek a tropical island, fish for my food and just ride this out?


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29 Comments on “The Soi Cat Cafe

  1. In Japan there was this cat station master called Tama. Maybe instead of you employing cats in the neighborhood for your cat cafe, you should pick one to be the manager whose sole job is supurrvising you. I think people would find it more interesting.

  2. Ha – very funny. I LOVED the cat chilling with the monks (he’s got the right color outfit) and the distracted GM. Keep up the good humor; we will all need it.

    • The cat with the monks was classic serendipity. The monks were singing and it was beautiful. I wasn’t sure if I should enter or not and a local walked in and started noisily taking photos, so I moved to the side and noticed the cat seemingly praying too.

  3. I thought you were serious for a moment. Money making ideas. Hmmm. Finding homes for other folks who want to take a 4 or 8 year holiday?

    • This is a brilliant idea! We have talked about keeping our hotel in remote Alaska open year round as an escape for disaffected Americans.

  4. I am a fan of cats. I think all these cats are extremely wise and always know exactly where they need to be. They also know that sleep is always an option. Very wise. But that one with the purple leash – watch out for that cat. It will eat you alive given half a chance.
    Alison

    • The purple leash cat wasn’t having any of it, which was surprising since he was domesticated. Maybe he was angry because he was on a leash.

    • Thank you Caroline. We are too nomadic to have our own so I get my cat love where I can! Luckily our neighborhood is full of them.

  5. omg – this was SO CUTE!! Every cat servant can relate to this post. Lazy, unreliable, easily distracted, cat nip addiction … yes, I have one that fits all those categories. I was hoping he’d get a job and start pulling some of his formidable weight around here. Alas, he’s unemployable 😀

    • HAHA. I’m glad you enjoyed. I left my cat with my parents 12 years ago and he lives there for good now so I have to go out on the street to get cat love.

  6. purrvana…indeed! you come up with some serious stuff, dude. Funny. But you know, some cats actually do fall asleep on their evening jog. Something in their DNA, I think. It happens to ex-Alaskans, too.

  7. I am a huge cat lover as you may already know from my blog, so I loved this post!

    When we were in Hoi An, Viet Nam we visited “Jack’s Cat Cafe.” There were 50 rescued cats, all being fed and loved and awaiting adoption…luckily they have large grounds with a huge outdoor space, but it was so much fun for me as a cat lover to see and play with all these kitties EVERYWHERE! This reminds me that I want to send thrm a donation for Xmas!

    My favorite photo is the cat joining in the temple meditation and the ones of Siamese cats ~ they are such beauties!

    Peta

    • When we see all the stray cats and dogs, we often joke buying a plot of land and making it a cat ranch for strays. I’ll have to check out Jack’s cat cafe.

      I got lucky on the cat with the monks – that was just too perfect. He is even the right color!

    • Street dogs scare me! Street cats are sometimes really sweet. We have joked about opening a dog/cat cafe/rescue center on the outskirts of town for all the sad animals. Want to invest?

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